Back To Prozac

I found the worst way to say this to the Doctor but I think it was the best one to describe how it felt...

"Is just that I got scared to feel good and happy"

I remember stoping the medication because I was not able to cry. I will hear my beloved selection of the most depressing songs and I will drink and smoke and sit down expecting the tears to burst out, but instead, I will be singing the songs meaningless.

I started thinking that I was no longer able to feel anything anymore. So that made me freak out big time and I decided to quit it.

The nightmares are back, the pain in the bones started, every morning my nails where marked on my palms and my jaw felt like it was out of place... that was because I was not resting at all during my troubled sleep.

The Doctor said that the anxiety was afecting me even while I slept, so again the sleeping pills came in too.

Is the prozac the soution? Or is it just a way of hiding the truth of what I really am...?

Am I gonna be able to feel again? Are my tears going to hide away from my dry eyes? or is it just that is not the time to cry? That I need to be free of the pain and the hurt inside...

Will I be able to smile again? smile from the inside out?Will the ice replace the blood? the cold replacing the pain? The pain that made me feel free turned into ice...

Will that work?